Friday 23/04/99 10:28

Lying in bed last night, with the flywheel of my mind slowly running down; many thoughts meandered through my brain about these pages.

These thoughts ranged from the mundane; the reasoning behind the conflict page; to quantum physics relating to the human condition.

My intention today is to let my mind wander over a wide range, without censoring, to give you an idea of how I think. Later, I may use this page as an index to the subjects mentioned.

I am just going to ramble on. This may show that I am mad! After all a symptom of madness can be the demonstration of "flights of ideas."

In connection with the conflict, I dwelt on the possibilities of what & why. I have not said much yet, and strangers must be wondering what it is all about. However, the details will emerge.

I feel like the picture, "The Scream", Can anybody hear me?

In some ways this is like confessing to a priest, that one knows is indiscreet; "confession is good for the soul."

This m/c may be my virtual psychiatrist.

If no one is visiting this site; is it like when a tree falls in a forest and no one is there; does it make a sound?

Writing a letter and then tearing it up can be good therapy.

My mind wandered over how I view the world and its inhabitants. I often describe myself as a "weirdo". What surprised me is that some original ideas, (to me), emerged. This may be a point too early to relate these pristine thoughts; but, I will continue.

I think that we all live in our own worlds and that others cannot see into them. Also, that we cannot see into other peoples' worlds.

A corollary of this is that in our conversations, we may assume that the other person receives in their brain the same picture that leaves our brain. This has long been recognised as a problem and covered on management courses.

I tried to see this situation in another way. Those of us who love animals and have pets tend to treat them as humans. Its called anthropomorphism, (easier to write than to say!) "I swear my dog is almost human!" We hear this and accept it as normal. In my reverie, I extended this from the human/pet situation to the human/human situation.

(At this point I tried to explain my thoughts but failed. I'll come back to it later. Your thoughts are welcome)

Years ago I had thoughts come to me about the end of the world. It will end with a whimper, not a bang.

The world will end in two thousand years and the last thousand years will be ten generations. It will end as the bible says it started. I saw the world with just two people, a man and a woman, and they walked into the sunset. End of world? No, just the end of Homo Sapiens.

The cause will be that Homo Sapiens will become infertile. Perhaps Homo Superior will emerge?

Do I believe it? No. It may not be probable, but it may be possible.

I have several ghost stories to tell.

This one is not so much a ghost story as a puzzling experience. There is a page about Lesley.

At the chapel of rest where Chloe had decided to have a service, I sat in the second row. It had been my intention not to attend the funeral. I was going to spend the time with Lesley's horses. I arranged the funeral around Chloe. I put her and her cronies in the front car and made her the principle mourner. How Lesley would have laughed!

While the minister, the Reverend Meen, was droning out his eulogy, I was looking around the chapel. I had no interest in his words.

At the front, were two wrought iron flower containers. My attention was drawn to the one on the right. As I looked, a figure appeared. It was just like a life sized statue. I blinked my eyes, looked around, and looked back again and it was still there!

As the minister came to the end of his prattling, he said Lesley's name, and immediately the "statue" came to life. It was Lesley. She wearing her wedding dress, but carrying a small posy, not the garland she had on her wedding day. Later I found that it was the posy she had carried when Jackie and I were married.

As she appeared, the posy vanished; she held both sides of her dress, gave a big "Cheshire cat grin" and curtsied. It was so much as she would do in life.

I burst out laughing. I expect that the congregation thought that I had broken down with grief.

In the beginning was God, and he was not very happy. He said to himself, "I am not satisfied. I only feel 90% complete."

So, he took one ninth of himself and scattered it across space. "There! That can look after itself ,and grow. I will not influence it. When it has developed and grown to twice its size I'll bring it all back and I will be complete."

We are all part of that God. When we join our thoughts together, the sum is greater than the parts. So, prayer works.

When we see cruel events happening, we can't "blame" God, other than that he is leaving us to our own devices.

Other principles can flow from this idea and most would be acceptable to most religions.

I do not have a religion.

Can there be life after death? If there is no life and/or there is no death then the question has no meaning.

In the quantum world, there are particles that have strange qualities. They can't have their speed and position measured at the same time. They can become entangled, so that what happens to one will instantaneously happen to the other, no matter how far apart they are. These particles can also travel in time in that they can react to events that have not yet happened. They are also affected by being observed and can change from one form to another.

We are made of these particles; nothing else. If strange things can happen to our particles, can strange things happen to us!?

One of my musings last night was; suppose that we are like one of those "join the dots" puzzles. We are just a lot of particle dots joined by lines of force, and that is what we see. When we die the dots still exist but the kind of line changes.

Some people may have a sympathetic relationship with "dead" people's lines and be able to sense them.

Could this explain ghosts? When we "die" do we just become different types of beings living in a different type of world?

Thursday, 06 May 1999

Some more thoughts.

Life is a patchwork of enigmas stitched together with time.

Life is like a broken hologram plate. Each piece has the whole picture, only less bright.

Life is like a railway journey. It has a definite beginning and a definite terminus. But, we are allowed to alight at stations, exercise our free will, and board the train again. Is life just a station or is it the journey and the events stations? "I am alpha and omega, the beginning and the end."

Was Shakespeare right? Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Some humans are only human. Some humans have a person inside them. Is that the key difference?

Sunday, 16 May 1999

Are humans a cancer in the body of Earth; or a superior specie predestined to dominate Earth.

Like a cancer we are growing at an exponential rate and drawing our sustenance from our host, the Earth, to the detriment of all it, and, many others. We may even kill the medium that we require for existence. Though, some cancers do outlive their hosts. There is no doubt that if man was removed then those remaining would benefit. We have been here only a short time. Is our time nearly up? Is the Great Surgeon ready with His knife?

Our (God/Mother Nature?) given intelligence rejects this and makes us see ourselves as the saviours of Earth. I know that when I leave my garden in the hands of the Great Horticulturist he's no Capability Brown! Are we rather acting as sculptors removing surplus material in order to show the Great Work beneath?

Tuesday, 18 May 1999 Cells have telemores that are the countdown to death. I wonder if there is a super telemore that programmes Homo Sapiens for extinction? We have a batch of junk DNA, we know not for what it codes. Is it lying dormant ready to be activated by some virus, bacterium, chemical, or celestial event?

Those of us who know that our specie is doomed can relax while we watch the others run around agitated trying to affect our future. The clock is ticking within all of us. We are all synchronised for programmed specie death.

Look around us. Some species have been here for millions of years. We have only been here for a twinkling and will soon be gone; as a pimple on an adolescent's face, leaving Earth to the many.

We are just an aberration in the development of the plan.

That's got you thinking!! OK?

 Saturday, 22 May 1999 Above I said that I could not express my thoughts; vis a vis human/animal me/human communication. With Andy, (a Jehovah's Witness), today I was able to see my thoughts and verbalise them. Andy is an easy person to talk with and I am sure that no matter what religion holds the truth; he is a good soul.

I know that it sounds screamingly self laudatory but here it is.

You know when you have children, or grandchildren, and they do something for the first time. You know how proud and generous you feel; but there is a loving element of patronising in there. And, you are aware that in the real scheme of things it's not much. (My God, this is difficult!) That is how I feel about most humans out there. They are but children doing what they can and not seeing how puny and irrelevant their achievements are. I don't feel as though I belong to the group.

Perhaps this is megalomania. My psychiatrist said that I have delusions of adequacy! It may be the onset of Alzheimer's disease. But, I have had these ideas since my early years. Even as I write it seems lunacy. There it is; take it or leave it.

I've been thinking. Perhaps my book will be based on these ramblings rather than my fiction outlined elsewhere.